What the fuck is wrong with America. Part 1.

When traveling I often find that local populations often have difficulty understanding Americans or seeing thing form their perspective. It is is no wonder why. Today in What the fuck is wrong with America part one, I introduce to Edward 40 Hands.

Edward 40 Hands is a great time had by all…well, all who can drink two 40’s. If you can’t, read on anyways because we have another option for you. According to wikipedia (the source of all truth) the game is also known as “80 oz to freedom” and “The 40 Challenge.” Whatever you call it, here’s the rules:

1. Have a friend duct tape a 40 oz of malt liquor to each hand (or both hands to one 40oz if you’re taking it easy). The last person to tape in will have a harder time, but with some ingenuity they can manage.

2. Nobody can remove the 40’s from their hands until they’re finished drinking all 80 ounces of beer.

That’s it, those essentially are the two official rules. You can add some competition to the game by racing to finish, but completing the game is a solid accomplishment, so I wouldn’t worry about racing. You are allowed to go to the bathroom, answer the phone, have a smoke, whatever – that is, as long as your hands are still taped to those quickly-warming 40oz beers. If you can do that, cheers. It’s funny though, I’ve seen some very awkward times when a slow-drinking gent has to request a male friend to pull his pants zipper down. And that’s really just half the battle to emptying the bladder. The other half requires a weird wiggle dance…I guess you’ll figure it out if you have to.

The true beauty of the 40cozy is displayed when you use two 40cozy’s, one on each hand. With these on your paws, you’ll be able to take as long as you want, as your beer won’t become warm for a long time. The only thing that will rush your drinking is the increasing urge to urinate.

Don’t worry about the duct tape ruining the 40cozy’s, they come out looking great afterward. Next time you and your friends are sitting around with nothing to do, go buy a case of 40’s and strap up. Drink strong!

Thanks to 40cozy.com.

You know you live in the hood when...

Many people say Bushwick is an up and coming neighborhood, I was reminded today of just how coming it really is.

Between the hours of 4:00 and 5:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon, what must have  the ghetto equivalent of the NASCAR pit crew hoisted my neighbors car on blocks and removed his wheels without a single person noticing.

I can't imagine how a group of youths could swoop into action and without a single person noticing.

Welcome to life in the hood.

Signs you live in the hood.

There are a number of things that exist in the hood that are not found other places. If you can recognize these items you will greatly enhance you chances of survival.

The bodega is the life blood of any under privileged or otherwise financially anemic neighborhood and often is the only place where a member of the community can obtain sustenance and 'nutrition'.

The bodega often offers food group much different than that found in the USDA food pyramid and often are separated by color such asa the yellow or blue food groups or by price. $.25 cent is perhaps the most often consumed food group of the bodega and includes items such as the quarter chips, water, muffin, exec.

Above a photo of the 'quarter water', generally the only form of fluid of the non alcoholic nature that is affordable by the general popular of the hood. The quarter water is generally available by color and often lack more description than that. The above featured item is comprised of water, High Frutos Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Sodium Phosphate, FD&C Blue #1 & Sodium Benzoate (to protect flavor).

Regardless of color, the quarter water tastes exactly the same, like cough medicine.

Christmas comes twice a year.

Fourth of July is like a second christmas in the hood. People save up their money for half the year, drive on down to Pensilvania and load up on fireworks. Only problem is, they shoot them off in the street. In many places in PA this is not an issues as people have lots of space, but in brooklyn, we have a population density of ,920/mi² (according to the 2010 censes). With a population density that great, almost all building are connected by necessity to house that many people. Once one house goes up you can almost bet two or more are to follow suite in this summer heat.

So happy second Christmas to you Bushwick, you deserve it. Lets just hope you don't torch my house when blowing your wad because we all know there is no pressure in the fire cans as you are using them as a ghetto swimming pool (likely another post regarding the ghetto shower in the future, summer is still young).

Today in type

Currently I am fortunate enough to taking a class with typography legend Ed Benguiat at New York City's School of Visual Arts. I expect to learn a lot from Ed and will post assignments here accordingly.


Today's assignment. Make logo with a 130 degree drop shadow. Sounds easy with just a click of a mouse right? Illustrator failure. Notice the drop doesn't remain even among all letters. Almost as if the light source is shifted between letters.
Option II, hand kern and stretch the letters. The shadows for the X may be distorted but looks much better optically.

Fucken 'eh Brooklyn

The Bushwick Ghetto Blaster. Down the street from my house this is a throwback to the 80's when life was not so nice in Bushwick. According to historians, during the crack epidemic of the 80's and 90's, people would torch building just to get the copper piping to recycle for their crack addiction. I am told that ever 3rd lot was empty and one in four houses was a crack den where not only could one buy their warez but also consume them.

Best find of the week, the new east river ferry service form brooklyn - queens and manhattan. Free for the next week to boot. 15 minuets form manhattan to williamsberg.



Last but not least, the Lee Burgess roof top party at 47 Tames in the East Williamsberg Industrial Complex. Found by a sheer fluke, that party was epic and apparently will be happening once a month for the rest of the summer.

SUmmer is here once again

And bushwick is cracking.

It is motherfucking hot out and the fire cans have the tops broken off and gushing freely into the street.

The Bushwick Public Works is having their summer series of modern dance, at least they offer free beer for the neighbors who share a roof connection.

Crime is up 12%

And best of all, the Bushwick Farmers Market is back in full swing. Thanks to Sean-Michael Fleming!

Sorry Ive been neglecting you, shall try to keep it updated sooner.