You know you live in the hood when...

Many people say Bushwick is an up and coming neighborhood, I was reminded today of just how coming it really is.

Between the hours of 4:00 and 5:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon, what must have  the ghetto equivalent of the NASCAR pit crew hoisted my neighbors car on blocks and removed his wheels without a single person noticing.

I can't imagine how a group of youths could swoop into action and without a single person noticing.

Welcome to life in the hood.

Signs you live in the hood.

There are a number of things that exist in the hood that are not found other places. If you can recognize these items you will greatly enhance you chances of survival.

The bodega is the life blood of any under privileged or otherwise financially anemic neighborhood and often is the only place where a member of the community can obtain sustenance and 'nutrition'.

The bodega often offers food group much different than that found in the USDA food pyramid and often are separated by color such asa the yellow or blue food groups or by price. $.25 cent is perhaps the most often consumed food group of the bodega and includes items such as the quarter chips, water, muffin, exec.

Above a photo of the 'quarter water', generally the only form of fluid of the non alcoholic nature that is affordable by the general popular of the hood. The quarter water is generally available by color and often lack more description than that. The above featured item is comprised of water, High Frutos Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Sodium Phosphate, FD&C Blue #1 & Sodium Benzoate (to protect flavor).

Regardless of color, the quarter water tastes exactly the same, like cough medicine.

Christmas comes twice a year.

Fourth of July is like a second christmas in the hood. People save up their money for half the year, drive on down to Pensilvania and load up on fireworks. Only problem is, they shoot them off in the street. In many places in PA this is not an issues as people have lots of space, but in brooklyn, we have a population density of ,920/mi² (according to the 2010 censes). With a population density that great, almost all building are connected by necessity to house that many people. Once one house goes up you can almost bet two or more are to follow suite in this summer heat.

So happy second Christmas to you Bushwick, you deserve it. Lets just hope you don't torch my house when blowing your wad because we all know there is no pressure in the fire cans as you are using them as a ghetto swimming pool (likely another post regarding the ghetto shower in the future, summer is still young).

Fucken 'eh Brooklyn

The Bushwick Ghetto Blaster. Down the street from my house this is a throwback to the 80's when life was not so nice in Bushwick. According to historians, during the crack epidemic of the 80's and 90's, people would torch building just to get the copper piping to recycle for their crack addiction. I am told that ever 3rd lot was empty and one in four houses was a crack den where not only could one buy their warez but also consume them.

Best find of the week, the new east river ferry service form brooklyn - queens and manhattan. Free for the next week to boot. 15 minuets form manhattan to williamsberg.



Last but not least, the Lee Burgess roof top party at 47 Tames in the East Williamsberg Industrial Complex. Found by a sheer fluke, that party was epic and apparently will be happening once a month for the rest of the summer.

Torcik piernikowy

While shopping in Greenpoint Broklyn today I came across this 8th wonder of the world. Torcik piernikowy!
It is a well known fact that the Nazis and Hitler in particular were obsessed with the occult, in search for that magic item that would perhaps provide an edge; an edge that would give them a strategic advantage over the allied forces. Perhaps it was rumored that an item so powerful existed and right next door.
The invasion and full occupation of Poland took nearly 3 year. Many men, women and children lost their lives to keep the secret of the Torcik piernikowy. The mere mention of the word makes mothers and dentists shiver in fear, an ungodly invention that should have never been know to man.
The Torcik piernikowy, a dense confection made of two layers of ginger bread bound together by a tart black cherry marmalade covered in a rich dark chocolate shell boasts 500 calories and 20 grams of fat. The flavor is rich, spicy, tart and tangy in a dense cloud like layer of zen that should be a cardinal sin to fantasize about much less consume.
If you ever find youself with a cult of personality and a standing army in Eastern Europe or in Greenpoint, go all in and never look back.

Tales from the hood

The Man Who Cried Mommy.

Living in the hood you have to get use to the fact that life is different than that of your native environment, but every now and then something catches you of guard.

Every 6 weeks or so the southing sound of "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, MOM, MOMMY" fills the air outside my window. Upon further investigation and a sneak peak out the window or over the veranda, the perpetrator is alway the same. A late twenties to early thirties hispanic male of painfully average height and wight, lacking any significant features what so ever. I suppose it is the fact that he is so remarkable unnoticeable that I often forget my twice quarterly serenader is.

Given this day in age I am still taken aback but by the fact that a grown man will stand on the sidewalk for sometimes up an hour screaming for his mother. I often wonder what message must be of such importance that he will shamelessly stand out in the cold like a child lost in the shopping mall desperate to get her attention. If there is this much information of such great importance needling to be conveyed to her; wouldn't a cell phone be a much easer option?

Suppose I will never fully understand the little differences between myself and the natives, but if nothing else, I suppose it will continue to provide for entertainment value if nothing else.

Tales from the hood

For those who have never lived in the hood, it isnt that much different from your own neighborhood. We have our nosey neighbors, the loud guy across the street or even the lady with 100 cats.

What is different in the hood form the rest of the world is how people go about doing thing, everyday common sense things.

There are far to many of an example to rattle off in one sitting so I have decided to devote a article theme to chronicling them as I run across them.

So, whit out further adue. The first installment of Tales from the Hood.

My local chinese restaurant is quite the interesting place. It is not everyday that you come across a chinese joint with bullet proof glass, much less one who also has a "spanish" menu to bout. My curiosity must have gotten the better of me on the way home form the local ghetto mart, a popular supermarket chain that can be found in almost any hood in the north east. Anyway, after looking at the menu I decided to opt for the "Chickin Sanduwit", as I tried to order it became pretty apparent that the old chinese grandmother was unable to speak english. While her lack of english fortitude was not surprising, that fact that she then reached out in spanish to try to take my oder took me back just a little.

With my order in, I stood there and watched the lady do her kitchen magic. While my filet lay there frying, I watched the lady go though her secret recipe of fried rice. The fired rice was made not of white rice, but rather of yellow "spanish" rice mixed with about a half ounce of chinese chao sui pork; oddly delicious looking. Next she turned attention to my sandwich. After applying the layers of chicken, tomato and lettuce, the old lady then proceeded to grab a piece of american cheese. Wondering how she was to melt it, she looked at the salamander then turned away, this would not do it fast enough. Then out of no where she pivots her body and turns back to the fryer. With one hand extended she dunks the cheese in the hot fryer oil and then moves the multon dripping substance towards the sandwich, upon which she say, "queras salsa de soi?". Maybe it was the look on my face but she said no more and packet it in a bag and handed it to me. I dont think she really knew it was the fact that she had just dipped her hand in a fryer to save 10 seconds of time in the cheese melting endeavor rather than wondering what I would need soy sause for a chicken sandwich that had cough me off guard....

An exercise in brilliance! Self, thy worst enemy.

T - minus 14 hours and counting until liftoff for Nepal.

Jogged 4 miles in the rain in anticipation of 30k a day hikes up tall mountains with limited oxygen. No doubt am I ready for the adventure and pain ahead. If I live and nothing else, at least I will be fit as a burro after the big fight.

Seems to be par for the course really... or of late anyway.

Did manage to see a few interesting things on my gallivant across Brooklyn this evening however.

A first, at least in the united states. A two block live poultry market. It wasn't that fact that it was a poultry market per se, but rather the fact that it took place on Flushing Avenue, for two blocks mind you. Trailer ofter tailer, crate after crate, nothing but feathers and the stench of death lurking. Perhaps it was not only the death alone, but the fact that there must have been at least five or six hundred people in attendance. The event seemed not only for the matriarch or patriarch however,  but a gathering for the whole family. I found it rather odd to see childern no older than 5 or 6 years of age hold these foul in the air while take close note of their assets, if that is how you refer to the greater parts of the flock anatomy.

Perhaps this is just a reflection on what was lacking in my own childhood. Wait a fucking minuet, what the hell am i going on about. I have a leaking skylignt and I am lamenting hasidic children fondling the undersides of live game. I must really need a vacation. 

File this under what are you thinking................

bushwick quote of the day

Girl on the cell phone: No, its ok, his indictment has been put on hold for a day...

The Wall

So I seem to have been neglecting my blog after my move to the swick so here goes. There is a lot of paint, graffiti and or street art int he swick, goes with the territory i suppose. There is one wall in particular though that is a for all painters, kind of like a wall of fame. The wall on is painted on al 4 side and houses a factory of some sort in side. The wall can be found at bogard, white, boerum and ingram streets (http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&q=40.706913,+-73.935091&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=mlR0TJ2-EcP_lgeFmoHJCA&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&ved=0CAkQ_AU). So rather than continue to slack off I though id post some photos I took a few weeks ago to post what is currently on the wall (note it is a living breathing art piece and is ever evolving as people lay down bomber over other peoples work).